Never rely on other people to be happy. Here’s why.

Okay…this is going to be a short but inspirational and, I hope, an informative post. 

I bet you have heard from many bloggers, influencers or other people that you shouldn’t rely on other people to be happy. You have to create your own happiness. It may sound cliché but it’s true. 

But why? Why shouldn’t you depend on others to be happy and live a fulfilling life? We are social beings after all. We need other people to feel safe, loved and comforted…right? 

The short answer is: when you rely too much on other people for emotional support, love and comfort, you give these people the power/authority to potentially lower your self-esteem and make your life miserable. Imagine yourself spending your whole day waiting for a date with your partner. It’s the only thing that would make your evening fun…and they cancel…

There are two common reactions a person would have in this situation: 

A person whose source of happiness is other people would be devastated, feel miserable and would blame their partner for ruining their whole day. They may feel that their partner doesn’t want to be around them and that they are not worthy. The result is: insecurities and low self-esteem. 

A person who creates their own happiness would be like: “Ok, that’s alright. I will hit the gym or meet my friends instead.” Their mood would not be affected by this cancelled date in any way. They can adapt to changing circumstances. The result is: these people will be happy no matter what. If they went on this date – great! If they didn’t – still great. They don’t need other people to fill their time and entertain them.

You see, life is about constant change. Circumstances change. The environment changes. People change. Think about yourself for a moment.

  • What were you like a few years ago? What were your dreams, fears, views on different aspects of life? Who were you as a person? 
  • Who were your friends? 
  • Who are you now? What are your dreams, fears and views on different aspects of life now? 
  • Who are your friends now?

Has every single detail of your life really stayed the same throughout the years? Even if you told me ”yes”, I would not believe you. 

Therefore, there are 2 big reasons why YOU should be your only major source of happiness.

No. 1. To be able to adapt to change.

As previously mentioned, every aspect of our lives changes over time. If you depend on the fact that there is no way your plans with friends could change or that your friend will never leave you, you are in for a disappointment. Always have a plan B. Learn adaptability.

No. 2. To build and maintain healthy relationships with people.

Expecting others to make you happy puts pressure on other people. People don’t respond well to pressure. Imagine: you have your own life – work, hobbies etc. And someone expects you to meet them whenever and wherever they request it and they get annoyed or upset if you don’t, because…you have a life? I guarantee that this attitude would push you away and you wouldn’t want to be around a person like that.  

There is no doubt about whether these type of friendships or romantic relationships would work out. Because, they don’t. Eventually, the person experiencing pressure decides to give up. Because it is not healthy. Who likes constant arguments or confrontation? Exactly, no one! 

My final thoughts.

Being miserable is your choice. Other people are not to blame. It is YOUR responsibility to create your life. Fill your time with different activities that fulfil you and are interesting to you in order to be happy. Learn to spend time by yourself. If you have an event to go to and your partner cannot make it for a good reason, so what? Call a friend and ask them to come with you. Or go solo and enjoy networking with new people. Remember, leading a miserable or happy life is entirely up to you.